It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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