remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
