she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
