he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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