i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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