i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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