I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
