I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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