Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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