my mouth tastes like poor choices
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I want her autograph on my taint
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
