I just cut my nipple shaving
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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