um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
