Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
