I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
please come you make the beer taste better
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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