yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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