I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
