Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I would ride that face into the sunset
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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