Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
