they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
