i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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