Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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