even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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