What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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