I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I FOUND THE LEGS
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