His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I party with great urgency now.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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