winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I don't deserve a penis
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
