if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
