I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
