:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
