Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
