youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
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That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
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He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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