I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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