oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
