Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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