Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
