I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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