hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I need to stop coming to work sober
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
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He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
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How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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