My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
