I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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