I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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