BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
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Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
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McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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