you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
