Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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