It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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