i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
