Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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