guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
