I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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