End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
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This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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