I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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