Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My vagina is very pro this idea
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
