he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize