Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This baby is an asshole
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Can you bring me the toilet please
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
