you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
