:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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