Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
