fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
