My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
