ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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