the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Alive.
So much puke
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Someone signed my nipple.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
