its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
