i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
