i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
