You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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