oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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