Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
