I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
