In the future we'll all be gay
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
